All people need people, but a needy person is one who habitually turns to others to provide something they are capable of providing for themselves. Caring people often find themselves feeling really conflicted about needy people. They want to help, but wind up listening too long, or end up taking care of others at the cost of their own needs and responsibilities. They may even find that they carry the weight of the needy person’s problems, only to have the needy person return with the same unresolved problems over and over again.
Though it may be frustrating to observe, the truth of the matter is some people don’t want to change their situation – yet. The truth is some people want to stay in their challenging situation because there’s more at play than conflict resolution or sound decision-making. Sometimes what’s hidden under neediness is an unspoken or unconcious desire to find their own deep, soul-felt reassurance that they are okay– that they have done enough, that they have enough, or that they are capable enough.
To experience the reassurance that we are enough is ultimately an inside job that each of us must take. People can guide us, reflect back to us, and support us, but no one can do it for us. The deep dive within is where we find our own inner strength and clarity. When we are brave enough to turn within and face our fears, we can connect with our heart, inner strength, and wisdom needed to guide ourselves through personal challenges and achieve our desires.
The more we practice turning to ourselves for connection, clarity, and wisdom, the stronger our ability grows to truly connect with others and lead a fearlessly fearful and fulfilling life.
How does a caring person help without over-helping? Be the change.
- When a needy person leans too hard on you, remember:
- You are enough, and so are they. They can get through their challenges.
- Their concerns aren’t wrong and neither are yours. They are just a part of the learning and growth process.
- They know enough or can learn to know enough.
- You can speak your truth.
- You have enough to take care of yourself. What does the needy person need? Reassurance, confidence, compassion, boundaries?
2. A needy person can and needs to find the following within themselves:
- I am capable enough.
- My concerns aren’t wrong. They are just part of my learning and growth process.
- I know enough or can learn to know enough.
- I can speak my truth.
- I’ve done enough.
Remembering this will help you respond with kind, strong, and supportive love. This kind of response models the change they too can learn to have for themselves.
(If you would like assistance in doing these things, a Clear Inner Focus Mindset Coach is available to support your growth.)