How to Stop Feeling Bad About the Past
Memories help us navigate life. When we visit memories with gratitude, they connect us with our hearts, energize the love within us and make it easier to connect with others. Some memories are neutral, and some still hurt when we visit them. Painful memories can appear out of the blue, grab our attention and activate all the feelings we felt when “it’ first happened. In my soon to be released book, I call the latter an “Inner Land Mine”.
I used to have an Inner Landmine on the topic of biking with my husband. In his 20’s he was an accomplish racer – trained to be focused, driven, strong and fast. When we’d ride together, he’d fall into his biking habits and leave me far behind, unable to keep up. Back then, I didn’t realize the power of my focus. I would focus on him (what I couldn’t control) and let painful thoughts and feelings run amok: I am not good enough, weak, unloved, ignored, not important. Instead of refocusing my thoughts, I would push myself harder trying to keep up. Depleted, my thoughts would continue with thoughts about him, “He doesn’t…”, “He shouldn’t…”. You might imagine the state I was in when we caught up with each other. It perpetuated the cycle. To avoid this problem, we stopped riding together, but the pain would still resurface. I loved biking together – at the same relative speed.
I defused my Inner Land Mine. I gave the memories some time and attention. I realized what I didn’t know back then and forgave myself for my part. Just like me, there were things he didn’t know back then either. True forgiveness achieved this way helped me envision what I wanted and believe it was possible. My new focus helped me communicate – not to make him wrong and me right but in a manner where we could come up with solutions together.
Yesterday we returned from a 10 day bike trip across Germany and Austria, celebrating our 30th anniversary. It was amazing! Doing the work to diffuse that “Inner Land Mine” has reaped infinite rewards for both of us.
What memories are you grateful for? Exercise them and your connection to your heart! It feels so good!
If you have an Inner Landmine you’d like to defuse, you can! Set aside some quiet time and walk yourself through the Clear Inner Focus Tool. It will only cost you time. Imagine what it might gain you.
Patty Jackson, Owner Clear Inner Focus