Skip to content

How to Be In Control vs Controlling

Being in control requires making decisions that align with your values and goals, exercising patience, and taking responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, and actions. It’s about recognizing that you have the power to create the life you want, while also trusting in a higher power, the universe, and others to play a cooperative role.

On the other hand, being controlling involves trying to manipulate or dominate others or your environment to get what you want right away. This often comes from a place of fear, insecurity, or a need for power, and can harm both yourself and those around you.

To be in control without being controlling, here are some tips:

  1. Be aware of your emotions and accept them. Recognize that the feelings that drive controlling behavior do not feel good, but instead of suppressing or denying them, allow them to flow through you without judgment or blame. Breathe deeply and on purpose. Let your emotions move through you without judgement, fear or blame.
  2. Define and focus on your big-picture goal. Creating lasting change takes time and collaboration with others. Stay focused on your ultimate vision while being open to new ideas and flexible in your approach.
  3. Let go of things you can’t control.
    • You can’t control your thoughts, but you can control the direction of your thinking. Talking yourself into solutions and kind, calming thoughts increases your effectiveness, energy and enjoyment of life.
    • You cannot control your feelings, but you can control your response to them. By accepting them, they will pass and better feelings will be found.
    • You cannot control other people, God, life, the weather, or politicians. The more you complain about things you can’t control, the more powerless you will feel.
    • You cannot completely control mistakes from happening, but you can respond to mistakes with compassion and a willingness to learn and grow from them.
  4. Take care of yourself. Prioritize self-care, such as getting enough sleep, eating healthily, nurturing your important relationships, staying on top of your tasks and exercising regularly. This will ground your energy and help you feel more in control, patient, and empowered as you work towards your goals.

By following these tips, you can focusing on being in control rather than controlling, and you can create a more fulfilling and empowering life for yourself and those around you.