Are You Happy?
Now, THAT is a loaded question. What does that even mean, and what does it mean if you’re NOT? I truly believe that life happens perfectly. That right now, at this exact moment you are exactly where you are supposed to be, pondering this question not a minute too soon or a minute too late. It may mean that you are not quite there yet but seeking. Congratulations! I hope you are excited. It’s an amazing place to be.
Since we have to start somewhere, let’s start by forgiving ourselves for not being better off, for not having figured this out already and for whatever shitty, terrible decisions that you made that led you here, to this exact moment. Lingering on and judging ourselves for those shitty past choices only keeps us stuck. It doesn’t allow you to see that those same choices have actually propelled you here, to a place of beginnings, growing and seeking! I guess what I’m saying is that
sometimes we need those unfortunate past choices, and they may need to be bad enough, to wake us up to what lies on the other side (happiness!). It may be hard to believe, but I am grateful for everything that has led me here. Yes, everything. That doesn’t mean I liked everything that has happened in my life. It just means that I’m grateful that those experiences have awakened me and put me on the path to myself.
One day, I found myself at an especially low point in my marriage, with the reality of my choices hitting me over the head and wondering to myself, “how the hell did I get here??!” I’m not going to linger here because I believe I may have covered this in a past post, but my point is that a brick wall finally came tumbling down on me. They say life taps you on the shoulder trying to get your attention, but we rarely pay attention. Then it pushes you, slaps you, and punches you until finally it drops a big brick wall down on top of you. Turns out I’m a “wall” person and I finally realized that I was not happy.
Where are you on this continuum of life tapping, punching, or crashing that wall down on you? That might look like being hair-pulling stressed out, over-stretched, tank on empty sort of feeling or just overall underwhelmed with your life, as in “is this all there is?” Maybe it’s job loss, a relationship breaking up or something now blatantly obvious that’s finally grabbing your attention. It’s common that you may still not really be sure why/where/how, but you know that something has to change, that you want something different. When it finally hit me, I remember feeling so surprised to be in this place. I mean I had done all the “right” things, college, marriage, church, kids, how the hell did I get here? More importantly, how the hell do I get out of here?!?
By the time I was clobbered over the head with the reality that I was/my life was a mess, all I wanted to do was bolt. Luckily, though I didn’t know it at the time, I was pretty securely stuck where I was for a bit. For me, it turned out to be the best thing for me (sometimes we need to trust what life has given us, even when we can’t see it). It gave me the space and the opportunity to work this through. I was able to find the people and the tools I needed to grow and find my way. It wasn’t about fixing my marriage, though I was open to that. What I did know was that no matter where I landed, I needed me to know and honor me, always a work in progress, as it should be!
Ok, that’s the background. What’s the answer?? Well, the bad news is that you are the problem. The good news? You are the solution! There is no need for blaming yourself, other people, events, or general circumstances for why you got here or how long it’s taken. NO REGRETS! That only keeps you stuck. If you own that your choices, even if it seems like you didn’t have a choice, your decisions, and your acceptance of what was created in this life, then you also have the power to do different! To find happy.
Happiness, to me, is a state of being, a way of living. It’s not circumstantial. You don’t need to do anything outside of yourself or have anything to be happy. It’s more about looking within. Connecting with yourself and using something I now call (as a life coach) the first step to positive change, which is awareness, acceptance, and self-love. There is a way for you to find happiness, to find peace in your life.
Working through these 7 steps can help create clarity and get you unstuck.
The Seven Steps to Positive Change:
1. Awareness, Acceptance and Self-Love
• Sometimes the first, first step is to accept that we don’t accept, be aware that
we haven’t been aware or love the part of us that hates us.
• Be aware of your thoughts, feelings, what is happening inside you and outside
you, in the world. Is there a pattern?
2. Desire, Dream, Deserve and Make Decisions Daily
• Is your desire crystal clear?
• Let yourself dream about it. If there is anything about it you do not want, add
more to it, or change it.
• Know you deserve whatever you ask for. Who put that desire within you
• Desires are infinite. Let yourself fully appreciate what is and/or “create” your
next desires, within your thoughts, mind, and feelings.
• Decisions are powerful, even little ones.
3. Open to Receive
• Address the fear that is holding you back
• Use it to clarify your desires. How are you willing to receive them? This also will
ramp up your belief.
• Look for reasons to believe your desires are coming true.
• See change, notice it, and celebrate it within you.
- Focus on progress. What we focus on expands. It adds momentum to your forward movement.
5. Inspiration; follow it fearlessly, or fearlessly fearful
• Ask yourself, “What is one step I can take in the direction of this desire?” AND
• Find boldness and excitement in new steps
6. Experience and Enjoy now as Enough
• TODAY has in store for you many of the things you longed for in the past.
• Let go of repeated asking and over-trying.
• Define enough for today and let it be so.
7. Practice, Patience and Praise yourself for every step of the way
• Awareness is the first step, and it is a huge step. Praise yourself for being
aware, even for being aware of doing things the “old” way. Then intend to
practice the new way next time.
• Don’t “Beat Yourself Up” in your thoughts. If you become aware of beating
yourself up for something, shift it to praising yourself for being aware and
then “plant the seeds” of your next desire. (Some people “beat themselves” up
for beating themselves up! All normal human stuff!)
When I chose happiness, I was a newly divorced mother of 3 teen/preteen boys. I had moved from my old neighborhood, lost my network and was pretty alone. I just started working full time and was trying to negotiate the mischief and choices that an angry teen was making while I worked until 7 each night. (What could go wrong there? lol) It wasn’t that my life wasn’t stressful. It was how I responded to that stress and that I realized happiness was a state of mind. I could judge myself for my past mistakes or I could celebrate that I was no longer that person. Not only was I not that past person, but I was also stronger, more connected, and aware of who I was. I allowed myself to feel however I needed to feel and could accept and love myself right
where I was at.
I knew I couldn’t wait for things to be different, for me to have more time or more money or a kid who wasn’t acting out in order to be happy. I knew it wasn’t about doing anything that would make me happy either, the way everyone looked so happy on Facebook.
(Actually, the only thing I did DO that helped was to stop being on Facebook!) I was able to find clarity about what I wanted, to believe I had it in me, that I deserved my dreams. Everything that came from that knowing was an amazing opportunity to live life how I wanted to. I had the power, as do you, to move through this world however I wanted to.
Since what we focus on expands, I practiced focusing on how my life was better, and how I could enjoy being with myself which was enough. I followed my inspiration, stepped into my fears, and trusted the universe (God) in creating the life I love. This took practice, patience,
and praise for all my successes, however big or small. It’s ongoing. If this doesn’t make sense or you don’t see the way out, let me help you. When you have this shift, life is SO much better. Shitty stuff still happens, like being diagnosed with multiple myeloma, the loss of my kids’ dad to melanoma, changes in my parents’ health, watching my kids’ choices as adults, the economy…and I’m moving through it with grace and happiness and love. It’s right there. Life is too short not to.