How to Stop Worrying and Positively Influence

We are people. We care. But our focus on others can be harmful or helpful.

Yesterday I had 24 family members over for Easter brunch. My new e-bike, a bicycle with a battery assisted speed booster, was a big hit. I was in a lively conversation with three young adults when my son decided to take it for a ride – without a helmet. My ability to engage in conversation was abruptly paused by my worry.

“Start with the end in mind.”- Stephen Covey

I coached myself, “Stay out of his bubble. Just set your intention on wanting to see him roll back in with a big smile on his face and give him the space to do that.” Focusing on the end result shifted my worry and I was able to rejoin our fun conversation.

When he rolled in beaming, I was able to enthusiastically greet him and the family fun continued.

I did not make him be safe, but I did not take away his confidence and our connection with my worry or disapproval. And, I did not put my ability to enjoy myself in his hands.

People make decisions you cannot control. I have tried worrying, pushing and other means of trying to make them do the right things (my way). I have never seen those actions produce sustainable results, and I learned. What has worked, countless times, is reaching in – turning to my heart and getting crystal clear on the end result picture of what I would like to see. Then, biting my tongue when need be or speaking powerfully and trusting myself and my actions – and trusting them. This requires work on my part (even though sometimes I think, “Why should I have to steer my focus and do this work, they are the ones that need to grow.”)

Sustainable results come from people taking the reins of their own life and powerfully growing into the more that awaits them.

Each time I turn worry into a clear inwardly focused picture of what I would like to see next, I grow in my ability to take the reins of my own life, enjoy more and positively influence others. The rest is up to them, and they do have what it takes within them.

If you are worrying about someone or something and want to feel better, try getting clear on the end result you’d like to see. What if the problem was resolved? What would it look like? How do you feel when you focus there?

Once you flip your focus, return to it when you start to worry.

Your ability to feel better now, speak clearly and be a helpful influence lies in having a clear solution in mind, taking actions from there and noticing progress.

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